The Legend of the Rings
by Keatonzeldagirl
Summary: Though it's based off Lord of the Rings, it's NOT a ripoff! Link recieves the Ring of Power, and sets off on a journey with a crazy Fellowhship to destroy it once and for all! But the old man who delivered the Ring has other plans...[DISCONTINUED]
1. Prologue

**Prologue**

Disclaimer: I own a sketchbook and pile of dirty laundry, and that's about it. Sad, no?

So, without further ado…

In ancient times, some random people whose identities escape me forged a whole bunch of rings. I'm sure you all know how it goes…

"_Three rings for the Elven kings under the sky,_

_Seven for the Dwarf lords in their halls of stone…"_

And so on. Of course, that poem tells about the One Ring, the (dun dun dun) Ring of Power! When the hobbit Bilbo Baggins found it, he was _supposed_ to give it to his cousin, Frodo. But Bilbo was old, and old people forget things. (No offense to the millions of old folk out there.) So he put it off for a long time.

While Bilbo was putting it off, a new attraction had been built in Middle Earth, called the "Passage Out." Some passage it was. In reality, it was a deep, dark hole. No one knew where it went. No one wanted to jump down it and find out. And yet hundreds of tourists, Men, Elves, Hobbits, and even Orcs alike, flocked around it and foolishly dropped pennies and other small tokens down it. It was the Middle Earth equivalent of a deep, dark wishing well.

Naturally, old Bilbo wanted to go visit this fascinating place before his death. He begged Frodo and eventually hitched a ride down there. The pitch-dark deepness and mysterious-ness wowed him. In fact, they wowed him so much he leaned very far out over it, and…the Ring he had been clasping in his fist slipped from his grasp.

In slo mo, Bilbo watched in horror as the Ring did a 360 in the air and began to fall down the pit. He reached out and tried to snatch it, and…lost his balance. With a very old-man-like scream, Bilbo and the Ring vanished down the pit.

Meanwhile, Frodo and his lady (erm, man) in waiting, Sam, had been at the food stand getting some hot dogs. (And taters-boil 'em, mash 'em, stick 'em in a stew!) Frodo, upon hearing the ghastly scream, whipped around and scanned the area for Bilbo. He was nowhere to be seen.

"Must have gone to the bathroom," Frodo muttered to himself, pouring chili all over his hot dog.

"What was that noise, Mr. Frodo?" asked Sam, puzzled.

"Who knows?" Frodo shrugged, "Who cares?"

It took Bilbo quite a long time to fall down the pit. He stupidly kept his eyes trained downwards the whole time. Actually, that was because the Ring, reduced to a glittering gold object, was falling below him. There was no way he was going to lose it now, even though he was probably going to die.

After about 10 minutes of falling, Bilbo began to feel sick, and he also spotted the bottom of the pit. It was…blue. And it seemed to be moving slightly. A little too late, Bilbo realized it was water, and he slammed into it with a graceful (ahem) belly flop. If you recall, hobbits don't have a strong spot for swimming, and within seconds, Bilbo was down for the count.

The Ring drifted peacefully to the bottom of the stream.

"Hey! Sir! Mr. Curly-haired dude! Are you awake?"

Bilbo became dimly aware of several facts; he was lying in a bed, he was warm, and there was a young girl with red hair and a white dress on leaning over him.

"Wake up, dude! Why are you sleeping?" the girl asked.

"I'm not sleeping, I'm unconscious, you stupid girl," Bilbo muttered angrily. The redhead gasped.

"He lives!" she cried happily, "TALON!"

"Who the…" Bilbo murmured to himself as a large man with overalls and a mustache bounded into the room.

"What is it, Malon?" asked the man in a booming voice.

_Talon and Malon, _thought Bilbo, _How cute._

"The guy's alive!" Malon said. She and Talon leaned closer over Bilbo.

"Are you okay, mister?" Talon asked, "I found you out cold in the stream over by Kakariko Village on my way to the castle."

Bilbo's immediate thought was _WHAT? _What was Kakariko Village? What castle? Who would name their kid Malon?

"Are you from there?" Malon asked, peering into his face, "You look kind of like Dampe, only shorter."

"I…no," Bilbo managed to choke out.

"Here, drink this," Talon ordered, pulling Bilbo up into a sitting position and handing him a glass of something white. It tasted…different, but good.

"Are you from the Market?" Malon asked, "Or do you work at the castle?"

"Malon, give the poor guy some air," Talon said, "So…where are you from? What's your name? Is that milk good? Why were you laying in the middle of the stream?"

Malon rolled her eyes.

"Daddy…" she whined exasperatedly. Talon meekly shut his mouth, still looking curiously at poor Bilbo. Our hobbit friend struggled to find something to say.

"I…where AM I?" he settled for. Talon and Malon exchanged looks.

"Lon Lon Ranch," Malon answered slowly.

"Don't tell me you've never heard of us," Talon put in, "We're the only ranch in Hyrule."

Another new word for Bilbo to add to his vocabulary; Hyrule. What WAS this place? Then suddenly, he remembered the Ring. Gasp! What had happened to it?

"Did you find anything…else with me?" Bilbo asked slyly.

"Uh, actually, yeah," Talon answered, "It was like this ring looking thing. I took it to the castle and one of the guards gave it to the king. Last I heard, he was sending it to the Great Deku Tree to get it inspected."

"Good luck to him," Malon muttered.

"What is the Great…Deku-whatever Tree?" asked Bilbo in horror. How could a tree inspect the Ring? What if it ate it or something?

"It's…ya know…like the…leader of the forest folk," Malon said, "The…Koriki, I think they're called."

Bilbo decided to quit asking questions. It was making his head hurt.

"I need to see this tree," he ordered. Talon and Malon exchanged another look.

"Uh, you can't just go see the Great Deku Tree," Talon explained, "He's kind of…in the middle of the forest. Not to mention you have to be summoned."

"Just stay here for a while," Malon said, "I'm going to go feed Epona."

She left the room, closing the door behind her. Bilbo turned worriedly to Talon.

"What will the tree do with the Ring?" he asked fearfully. Talon shrugged.

"Who knows?" he said, "But you better hope he doesn't give it to one of his Koriki kids."

Well, that is for now! Review and tell me what you think! How much potential does it have?

Keatonzeldagirl -


	2. And I Give Thee This Ring

**Chapter One: And I Give Thee This Ring…**

I'm back, with Chapter One in hand! I noticed my reviewer had a couple questions, so I'll try to cover them in this chapter. But for others, you'll just have to wait and find out…muahahaha…

Oh yeah…

Disclaimer: Well, my pile of dirty laundry is now clean, my sister stole my sketchbook, and I still don't own Zelda or Lord of the Rings. Darn.

Stick to my motto: Read, Review, and Run Around In Circles Like a Monkey!

-Chapter One-

Link sat on his wooden bed (yes, _wooden _bed) in his house in the Koriki Forest and sighed. Life was SO boring. It was like, the same thing over and over again. And when was he getting his fairy?

As if on cue, a small ball of blue light darted into the room and hovered over Link's head.

"Who are you and who gave you permission to barge into my house?" Link demanded angrily.

"Hey!" the fairy replied in the most annoying voice Link had ever heard, "For your information, the _Great Deku Tree _gave me permission to barge into your…house?" she ended uncertainly, looking around the mess that Link called home.

"What?" he asked.

"Nothing at all," Navi replied, "Anyways…my name is Navi! Isn't that cool? I'm going to be your guardian fairy! And before you go out and show off to the other Koriki, like I know you will, you have been summoned by the Great Deku Tree."

Link took a second to take this all in. Sometimes he could be a bit…slow in the head, shall we say.

"Wait…" he trailed, "I've been summoned by the Great Deku Tree?" He had NEVER been summoned by the big cheese of the forest before. Surely this glowing ball had made a mistake.

"Yes!" Navi cried impatiently, "Now come on, let's go!" She zoomed out of the house. Lazily, Link stood up and followed her onto his balcony. It was a pretty nifty balcony, at that. From his lofty position, Link had surveillance of all the activity taking place in Koriki Forest, more or less. For instance, right now Link could see a young girl (well obviously she was young, she's a Koriki!) with bright green hair and big blue eyes running up underneath his house.

"Yahoo! Hi, Link!" the girl called, waving.

"Hi Saria," Link said somewhat wearily to his best friend. The whole "Yahoo" thing was starting to become quite routine. He descended the ladder to stand next to her.

"Hey, what's that?" Saria asked with wide eyes, indicating Navi bobbing impatiently by Link's head, "Is that a FAIRY?"

"Uh…yeah," Link said slowly. Sometimes Saria was a bit slow in the head, too.

"Wow, Link!" Saria cried happily, "You finally got a fairy! You're a real man now!" (A/N: I don't know if any of you guys noticed this, but when I played OoT, people were constantly telling me I was a "real man." ?)

"Uh…yeah," Link repeated for lack of something better to say. Navi made a noise like, "Come _on!_"

"Um, I'd better be going," Link continued hastily, "I've got to go see the Great Deku Tree."

"Really? Cool!" Saria exclaimed, "I'll come with you!"

"Whatever," Link muttered as he took off with Saria close at his heels. He cursed under his breath when he caught sight of Mido ever-diligently guarding the passage to the Great Deku Tree.

"Listen," he said to Saria, "If I go over there, he's just going to tell me to go get a sword and shield. So, I need you to-"

"—Why don't you just use these?" Saria interrupted, holding out a sword and a shield. Link took them, surprised and suspicious.

"Where did you get those?" he asked.

"Just don't ask," Saria advised him. Link decided he was better off not knowing.

"But you're not going to be able to come with me," he reminded Saria.

"Wanna make a bet?" she asked.

"Sure."

"Okay! 10 Rupees I can weasel Mido into letting me through."

"20," Link said. He had tried many, many times to persuade Mido, and it hadn't exactly worked.

"Okay…" Saria said mischievously. Link began to worry if he was making a smart decision. "You're on. Let's go."

Saria skipped around on the rocks and strode confidently over to Mido, while Link lagged behind, fearing for his Rupees. When Mido caught sight of them, he immediately said, "You can't go through here. You don't have a sword and a shield. Ha-ha! Losers!"

"Oh yeah?" Link asked, holding up his suspicious weapons from Saria. Mido's eyes widened.

"Hey!" he said angrily, "Where'd you get my sword and shield?"

Link threw Saria a dirty look. He should have known it was something that would get him in trouble.

"Uh…Internet?" he lied hastily.

"What's the Internet?" Mido asked curiously. Link shrugged.

"So will you let me through?" he persisted. Mido sighed like it was a huge burden to move out of the way.

"I suppose so," he said exasperatedly, "Even though you _did _steal my weapons, but it's not like _I _ever use them, of course." Slowly and deliberately, he moved out of the way and Link walked through. When Saria tried to follow, Mido barked, "Hey! Where do you think you're going?"

Link cheered silently. Saria turned to Mido and gave him puppy-dog eyes.

"Please?" she begged.

"Oh fine," Mido muttered. Saria grinned widely and followed Link down the passageway.

"Pay up," she ordered, smiling.

"That was too easy for you," Link muttered angrily, handing over the Rupees. Saria just kept grinning like a silly…uh….something silly.

The two finally reached the marvelous Great Deku Tree and stood in front of him politely.

"You called?" Link asked. The giant tree seemed to rouse himself from some sort of tree daydream.

"Yes, I hath called thee, Link," he began, "Thou hast received a fairy. Thou art ready to embark on a great quest for me."

"He said you're ready to go on a quest," Navi translated into Link's ear.

"A quest?" Link asked worriedly, "What kind of quest?"

"An apple quest," the Great Deku Tree said sarcastically. (A/N: Bet you didn't know the Great Deku Tree was capable of sarcasm:P)

"Ooh, me favorite!" Link crooned happily as Saria rolled her eyes.

"A HEROIC QUEST, YOU IDIOT!" the Tree bellowed so loudly that several twittering birds flew out of his branches.

"Oh," Link said in a small voice.

"Thou willst see," the Tree continued in a normal voice, "I hath received a small object from the King of Hyrule. This object hath been found in the stream by Kakariko Village, along with an old man from another world. I have detected this object has great, great power."

"What is it?" Link asked excitedly.

"A ring," the Tree answered simply.

"A _ring_?" Link asked in disgust.

"Yes," the Tree said, "My senses tell me this ring is very evil. It must be destroyed. And that is what I want you to do. However…"

"Yes?" asked Link.

"Upon closer inspection," the Tree said heavily, "We hath determined that this Ring cannot be destroyed by any fire, as of Death Mountain in the east. It must be destroyed by the fires of the mountain from whence it came."

"And where is that?" Link asked slowly.

"A mountain by the name of Mount Doom, in another world, another time," the Great Deku Tree said, "Thou willst need to bear this Ring and cast it into the fires of Mount Doom, lest it wreak havoc upon Hyrule and all other kingdoms. If thou should fail…" he paused dramatically, "I daren't think what shall happen. You see…several people are trying to get their hands on this Ring of Power. One you have heard of. He is a Gerudo by the name of Ganondorf. Another is from the other world you will be going to. He is a wizard by the name of Saruman. Beware them both."

"How do I get to this other world?" Link asked quizzically.

"That I cannot say," the Tree said somberly, "Thou must pay a visit to the King of Hyrule, and he will tell thee what to do next. All I can do is entrust thee with the Ring."

Suddenly, a small golden Ring appeared in Link's palm. He and Saria stared at it in wonder. Around the edges was a fancy engraving in another language, it appeared.

"And I give thee this Ring," the Great Deku Tree said, "In hopes that thou will succeed upon this quest. The Ring has great power, but I trust in thee. I feel as though thou is up to the challenge. The fate of Hyrule and all that surrounds it rests in your hands. Go, now. May the good wishes of the forest go with thee."

The Great Deku Tree was silent once more. He appeared as if he didn't want to talk again. After all, that had been a pretty elaborate speech.

Link and Saria just stood there, staring at the Ring.

"It's so pretty…" Saria mused, reached out to touch it. Link snatched it away.

"You heard him!" he said, "I'm the bearer of the Ring, not you. Now come on."

He turned around and walked away. Saria pulled a face and followed him. As she was about to leave, the Great Deku Tree spoke again.

"Saria…" he said, "Go with Link. I knowst thou cannot leave the forest, but you can use this."

A bottle of potion appeared in Saria's hands. She was getting pretty freaked out about how the Great Deku Tree always made stuff appear in people's hands.

"Drink one gulp every day, at the sunset," the Tree instructed, "And thou shall stay in thou's current state."

"Thank you," Saria whispered, and ran after Link.

She found him already about to walk out of Koriki Forest. Obviously, he hadn't been thinking much about the journey ahead and was going straight to the King of Hyrule. That Ring was making him act strange.

"Link! Wait! I'm coming with you!" Saria called after him. Link turned around and saw her running up to him.

"Saria?" he asked, "You can't come with me! You'll die!"

"The Great Deku Tree gave me a potion," she explained hastily, "If I drink some of it every sunset, I can stay alive."

"Oh, okay," Link said, "That's cool, I guess. But it's still my ring!" He walked out of the forest. With a final glance behind, Saria walked after him.

-End Chapter One-

Okay! What did ya'll think? I am SO SICK of the word "thou" by now! I swear! Hehe…Link is getting possessed already. And remember? The Ring can only be destroyed by the fires it came from! Kinda sucks, doesn't it? In the next chapter, we'll check up on Bilbo, and the Fellowship will began forming! (Frodo and Sam: Link and Saria… yeah. But don't worry, I'm not gonna totally copy or anything.)

Remember my motto: Read, Review, and Run Around In Circles Like a Monkey!

-Keatonzeldagirl


	3. Home on the Ranch

**Chapter Two- Home on the Ranch **

All righty, here's Chapter Two! Sorry it took me a little longer than usual, but I was pretty busy. Yay for my reviewers! You make me happy:P

So without further ado, besides the disclaimer…and my motto…

Read, Review, and Run Around in Circles Like a Monkey!

Disclaimer: I own nothing…well, I own some stuff, but nothing important, like Zelda.

WARNING: I was hyper when I wrote this chapter, but I managed to keep it pretty normal. That's what happens when I get high on fanfiction (yes, that is possible), drink a whole can of Coke, and erm…run around in circles like a monkey. (It IS my motto!)

-Chapter Two-

Link and Saria walked slowly across the bridge and through the log. As they stepped out into Hyrule Field, they had to shield their eyes because it was so darn bright. They were used to the mistiness of Koriki Forest. Right now, they were in some kind of ravine looking thing, with bushes and trees sprouting occasionally.

"Wow…" breathed Saria, clutching the potion bottle tightly in her hand, "This is huge."

"It gets bigger," Navi warned.

"How do you know?" asked Link suspiciously.

"Oh, I have my sources," Navi replied offhandedly, "Once these two weird fairies came into the forest, looking for that Skull Kid person. They told me a lot about the outside world. And the guy fairy was purple! Can you believe that?"

"That's weird," Link said, "But you're blue, and you're a girl."

"So?" Navi demanded, "Let's go!" She zoomed ahead in her usual Navi-like way. Saria and Link followed. Suddenly, Saria clutched Link's arm.

"What is _that?_" she whispered, pointing up into the sky ahead. Following her gaze, Link saw a large, brown creature perching on a branch that looked like it wouldn't be able to hold its enormous weight. It had large, yellow eyes, talons, and wings. Link and Saria had never seen anything like it before. It looked evil.

"Maybe we can sneak past it," Link whispered. (_A/N: I tried that many times, to no avail.) _Saria nodded, and the two flattened themselves against the wall of the ravine and slowly inched their way up to the creature. When they were almost directly below it, a large voice boomed, "Hello there, young adventurers!"

Link jumped about a foot, and Saria got so scared she leaped into Link's arms.

"Holy Nayru!" Link exclaimed, setting Saria down, "It talks!"

"Yes, I talk," the creature replied, "I am Kaepora Gaebora, the extremely helpful talking owl. I can talk forever. So, I see the time has finally come for you to start your adventure. I will be there to help you every step of the way. Right now, you are in Hyrule Field. I heard that you are going to have an audience with the King. Beforehand, you might want to visit some of the other fascinating places in Hyrule, such as Lon Lon Ranch or Kakariko Village. You might find people there that will be of help. Always remember I will be there, watching. Do you want to hear what I said again?" _(A/N: Don't you hate it when you accidentally click yes?)_

Link and Saria shook their heads mutely.

"Okay then," Kaepora said, "In that case, I will be going. Hoo-hoo hoooo!" The giant owl lifted his wings and flew away. Link and Saria just stood there.

"Well," Saria started, "That was…interesting."

"Yes it was," Link agreed slowly, "…Maybe we should just go. I didn't really listen to him anyway."

"Me neither," Saria admitted. In a burst of off-topic-ness, she glanced down at the potion bottle in her hands and asked, "Do you think there will be enough for me to last this whole journey?"

"Sure," Link shrugged, "The magic Deku Tree gave it to you. It probably refills itself or something." He continued down the ravine. Saria looked doubtfully at the potion bottle. What if it ran out? Worse, what if it tasted bad?

-Back at the Ranch (literally, haha, crack myself up)-

Bilbo sat propped up in the bed at Lon Lon Ranch, feeling bored out of his mind. For the past nine hours, Talon the rancher had doted over him and interviewed him about his name, where he came from, etcetera, while Malon the redhead had brought in several animals to entertain him. This array included one of Talon's crazy chickens, a very large disgusting gold spider she called a Skultula, and a small brown horse with a spiky white mane. How she fit the horse through the door Bilbo could only imagine, but needless to say Talon wasn't very happy about it when he found out.

Malon had also tried to entertain the hobbit by singing. She called the song, "Epona's Song" because whenever someone played or sang it, Epona (the horse that had visited Bilbo's room previously), normally shy, would warm up to them. Though Malon had a good voice, the song was rather tiring and Bilbo was left by himself, nursing a headache over some more Lon Lon Milk and scrambled eggs. Apparently, that was all they had to eat at this place. What he wouldn't give for some good taters. _(A/N: Don't even try and tell me I'm obsessed with taters:P) _

At that moment, Malon entered the room yet again. This time, she had a piece of paper.

"I drew it for you," she said shyly, holding it out to Bilbo, who took it, afraid of what he might be about to see.

On the paper was a very badly drawn crayon picture of an old guy with curly hair (presumably Bilbo), Talon, and Malon herself standing by a brown blob Bilbo supposed was Epona. Printed at the top of the page were the words, "The New and Improved Lon Lon Ranch—Yay Bilbo!" Bilbo could only stare. Even Frodo's friend Sam back home could draw better than that.

"Do you like it?" asked Malon eagerly.

"Oh…sure," he grunted. Malon squealed and raced out of the room. Girls in this place sure were strange, thought Bilbo as he hastily shoved the picture under his pillow.

Downstairs, the hobbit's ears detected a knocking at the door, and then a doorbell to the tune of Epona's Song. There was the sound of feet scrambling for the door and Bilbo heard it being flung open, with Malon's voice exclaiming, "Hello, and welcome to Lon Lon- Oh! Who are you guys?"

A voice Bilbo had never heard before said something he didn't understand. Then Malon said cheerily, "No, silly! The castle is the big white building just north of here! But while you're here, why don't you come in and stay awhile? We'd love to have you."

Bilbo heard people stepping into the house and the snap of the door shutting. The suspense was killing him. Who were the strange new visitors? Could it possibly be someone from Middle Earth, come to rescue him?

Malon's loud voice echoed from downstairs, saying, "That's a neat ring you've got there. This weird old man staying upstairs keeps talking about something like that. Here, I'll take you to see him. That's basically our only room with seating, anyway."

Bilbo started jumping around like, well, like an overexcited hobbit. Did he just hear the word "ring?" Could it be…had the tree decided to give it back to its rightful owner?

Feet were climbing the stairs, and the door was pushed open as Bilbo hastily quit his jumping. Along with it came Malon and the two strangest looking kids Bilbo had ever seen. One was a boy, and one was a girl. They both were clad entirely in green, and the boy had a long pointy hat over his green hair. But the girl went farther than that. Her short hair was bright green. Both had a small blob of light with wings hovering over their heads.

"Here he is," Malon cried, "These two are from the forest," she explained to Bilbo, "And…what did you say your names were?"

"I'm Link and she's Saria," the boy said, indicating his green-haired friend, who seemed content to stand close to Link and cast terrified and curious glances at Bilbo.

"They're a fairy boy and girl!" Malon said happily, waving her arm towards the winged light orbs, "See?"

"Hey! Listen!" the blue fairy's tiny voice cried, making them all jump, "We're supposed to be going to the castle, not some retarded ranch!"

"Navi!" Link hissed, "Be polite!" He covered the fairy with his hands and grinned sheepishly at Malon, who seemed unfazed by the insult she had just received.

"So anyways," Malon continued, "I brought them up here so Link could show you his Ring. He got it from a tree, so it might be yours!"

The blond boy in green reached inside his pocket and drew out…the Ring. Bilbo could hardly believe his good luck.

"It's mine, of course," Link said dismissively, dropping the Ring back into his pocket as Bilbo's heart sank, "I'm supposed to destroy it."

"WHAT!" Bilbo shrieked, causing Link, Saria, and Malon to jump.

"It's evil," Link explained timidly. Angrily, Bilbo turned his face to the wall and made it clear he was ignoring them.

"He has some issues," Malon whispered quietly, "Let's go somewhere else."

Link and Saria followed the ranch girl outside, past a stable and into a large fenced area with horses running around. Saria looked terrified, but Link didn't really mind them.

"So," Malon said once they had stopped, "You guys are going on a quest to destroy that evil ring?"

"Yep," Link nodded. Malon appeared to be thinking hard.

_What's a quest again? _she asked herself, _Isn't that where you like…go somewhere? They were going to the castle, right? Maybe they're going to destroy it at the castle. That could be fun. I like bananas._

So much for thinking hard. Malon turned back to the two.

"I want to come with you," she said. There was a silence in which horses neighed. (_A/N: Get it? Instead of crickets chirping, it's horses…oh, never mind.)_

"Really?" Link asked. Malon just nodded. Link pulled Saria aside.

"Do you think we should let her come?" he whispered quickly as Malon strained to overhear.

"Hmmm?" asked Saria mildly. She was busy sniffing a flower.

"I'll take that as a yes," Link rolled his eyes and turned back to Malon, "Okay, you can come with us."

"Yay!" cheered Malon, hugging Link tightly. Saria glared at her.

"I'll go pack," Malon said in a rush, "And I'll tell my dad I'm…going camping! Yeah, that's it!"

She hurried away, visibly excited. Saria turned angrily to Link.

"Why did you let her come?" she demanded, "This was only supposed to be me and you! Now she's going to ruin it!"

"Well, if you weren't so busy getting high off that flower, I might have been able to ask your opinion," Link said sardonically.

"I wasn't getting high!" Saria protested, "I was…uh…checking for poison."

"Riiiiiiiiiight," said Link, "Look, why do you care? She's just some weird girl. It's not like she's going to kill you or anything."

He walked away towards the house, but Navi stayed floating behind. Link didn't even notice.

"Hahahaha," giggled Navi.

"What is your problem?" Saria demanded as Navi flitted around her head. Saria's fairy, Kilo, started flitting along with her, though he had no idea what it was about. He just liked to flit.

"I know why you don't want Malon to come," Navi teased.

"Why?" Saria demanded.

"You like Link," Navi said gleefully, "It's _so _obvious."

"It is NOT!" Saria practically yelled, her face turning red.

"Ha!" Navi cried, "You admit it! You DO like him!"

"Do NOT!" Saria protested.

"Do TOO!" Navi said back.

"Do NOT!"

"Do TOO!"

"Do—"

"—Guys!" Kilo interrupted, "Will you shut up? You're giving me a headache."

Saria, her argument forgotten, gave her fairy a strange look.

"You have a head?" she asked in wonder.

"Well, duh," Kilo said like it was the most obvious thing in the world, "I'm not just a floating ball of light with wings, you know."

"Right," Saria muttered. Navi made a twittering/giggling/however the heck fairies laugh noise and flew away towards Link.

"Don't you dare tell him!" Saria called after her. Navi paused.

"I won't!" her tiny voice echoed back over the fields, "Not yet, anyways…muahahaha…."

The ball of blue light disappeared inside Malon's house. Saria pointedly tried to ignore Kilo, who floating beside her, but, as you know, fairies can be kind of hard to ignore.

"You're weird, Saria," Kilo said. Saria carefully kept her face turned to the ground and walked slowly across the field. Absentmindedly, she begin to whistle her song that she had learned a long time ago. She called it Saria's Song, for lack of a better name.

Suddenly, the Koriki girl bumped right into someone standing in the field. Looking up, she saw an angry looking guy in overalls with a long black mustache glaring at her.

"Sorry," Saria murmured and kept walking. She heard the man say, "Honestly! Talon is going insane, letting people like that onto his ranch! If stuff like this happens again, I quit!" There was a thud of a pitchfork being slammed into the ground.

Saria sped up and pushed open the door of the house.

Meanwhile, Bilbo was brooding in the bedroom, watching Malon throw her things into a suitcase that said, "Come to Lon Lon Ranch, home of the finest milk in Hyrule" on the front. Her "things" included a roll of pink toilet paper, some Swiss cheese (so they _did _have something besides eggs and milk), and a stuffed horse with one eye.

"This is Darwin," Malon explained seriously, holding up the horse, "He used to have another eye, but one of Talon's Cuccos pecked it off." Bilbo pretended like he understood. Malon snapped the suitcase shut, yelled, "Bye, old man! Or Bilbo, whatever your name is!" and raced out the door.

_What is this world coming to? _Bilbo wondered to himself as Malon's feet thudded down the stairs.

-End Chapter Two-

Yes, this chapter is rather…strange, shall we say. I'm hungry. I'm going to go eat some Swiss cheese.

You've read…now review and run around in circles like a monkey!

Till next time!

-Keatonzeldagirl


	4. The Queen of Thieves

**Chapter Three**

I really did go eat some Swiss cheese. It was good, too. Okay, I don't feel like talking right now, so I'm going to get right to the story.

Well, not _right _to the story…

Read, review, and run around in circles like a monkey! (I'm changing my motto next chapter. It's annoying me.)

Disclaimer: You should know this by now. I don't own anything of importance.

Chapter Three-

Link was standing in the lower room of Lon Lon Ranch, surrounded by strange white pecking things. He was strangely tempted to kick one, but something told him it was a bad idea, that something being Navi.

"I once heard a guy got killed because the Cuccos pecked him to death," Navi explained, bobbing up and down. _(A/N: That guy that got killed being me playing the game…hehe…I just HAD to know what would happen…)_

The door opened behind Link and he turned around. Saria inched her way inside, looking nervous. When she saw Link, she turned bright red. Navi tittered.

"Hi Link," Saria said.

"Hi…?" Link replied in confusion. Saria scooted her way along the wall and sat down on a bale of hay, resting her head in her hands and conveniently blocking her face with her hair.

"You are such an idiot," Navi said to Link.

"Why?" Link said angrily.

"Lots of reasons," Navi said offhandedly, "The main one being that you don't realize—"

"—Okay! I'm ready to go!" the upstairs door banged open and Malon thudded down the stairs, swinging her large Lon Lon Milk suitcase and almost giving several Cuccos a concussion.

"Okay," Link said, "Saria! We're leaving!" Saria peeked at Malon and her eyes narrowed.

"She doesn't like me," Malon whispered to Link.

"She'll get over it," Link explained hastily, heading out the door with Malon close behind.

"Did you tell you're dad where you're going?" Link asked Malon.

"Yep!" Malon said cheerfully, "He thinks I'm going to build character on a camping trip. So, where are we actually going again? I forgot."

As Link rolled his eyes, the door of the house opened and Saria walked out, with her head down, conversing quietly with Kilo.

"Are you talking to that fairy?" Malon asked Saria loudly before Link could answer her previous question. Saria jumped and looked guilty.

"Yeah," she said, and turned back to Kilo.

"She's been acting weird just now," Link mused as the trio strode along the passage out of Lon Lon Ranch, "And we're going to the castle, by the way."

"I know exactly where the castle is!" Malon said cheerfully, "My dad and I deliver milk there all the time. But we'll have to get past the guards first. They let us by, because we're bringing milk to the castle, but…" she had lost her train of thought, which wasn't very unusual for her, "I forget."

"You're very forgetful, you know that?" Link asked, stepping out into Hyrule Field.

"Yep!" Malon answered cheerfully, "Like, one time, I was supposed to be milking the cows, but I forgot about them, and then Ingo got mad and he threatened to stab me with his pitchfork, and then Talon threatened to fire Ingo and then I threatened to eat cottage cheese and then they stared at me like 'What the heck?' and then-"

"—Sorry to interrupt your _fascinating _conversation," Saria cut in, "But which way is the castle?"

"Right there," Malon said, pointing straight ahead to a humongous white fortress looking thing.

"Oh," Saria said as she and Link stared in amazement.

"It's…bigger than the Great Deku Tree!" Link said.

"It's not _that _big," Malon said, "Death Mountain is bigger."

The trio continued on their way, with Malon giving Link and Saria a guided tour of Hyrule Field. Meanwhile, not 30 feet behind them…

Bilbo cursed silently as he stepped on a twig with a large snap. Luckily, none of his stalkees (that's a new word meaning: "people being stalked") bothered to look behind them.

The hobbit couldn't believe he had actually gone through with his daring plan. He was far too old to be tracking three kids to some castle 20 miles away. But if they had the Ring, that made a world of difference. He was going to get that Ring back. They had no right to just take it from him and do whatever they wanted with it. Maybe the Ring could take him back to Middle Earth. That would be an added bonus.

"I should have just given the Ring to Frodo," the old hobbit muttered to himself, "Then I wouldn't be here. I wouldn't have to follow these stupid kids around just so I could steal it—"

"—Did you just say 'steal'?" a voice from behind Bilbo interrupted. He jumped about three feet, but managing not to scream, and whipped around, breathing fast, terrified of what he might see. Standing not two feet behind him was a tanned woman in gigantic, poofy pants with a long red ponytail. Dangling from her waist was a nasty looking sword. Bilbo didn't quite know what to make of her.

"W-who are you?" the hobbit squeaked.

"My name is Nabooru," the woman replied, "Second-in-command of the Gerudos." Upon seeing Bilbo's blank expression, she added, "You know, the Gerudos. The women thieves from the desert?"

Bilbo just stared at her. Then he wondered…how did she manage to walk close enough to hear him talking without him even noticing her? She must be very stealthy, he decided. Then, it occurred to him…stealth was what he needed to get the Ring!

"Okay, well, never mind," Nabooru continued, "Who are you?"

"I'm Bilbo," he replied, "Um…could you do me a favor?"

"You want me to steal something, right?" Nabooru asked, "The Ring you should have given to Frodo?"

"…Yes," Bilbo said, surprised, then remembered she had overhead him talking, "Those kids…" he looked into the distance and noticed the three stalkees were now specks in the distance, "Oh no! They're getting away!" he cried. Nabooru didn't seem to care.

"Where are they going?" she asked.

"To the castle," Bilbo replied, in a hurry to go after them.

"Hold your horses," the Gerudo told him, "I'm starting to reconsider this job. I mean…the leader of my people—and the only guy—wants this Ring, too. I'm starting to think our leader doesn't have good intentions for the Ring…whatever it does."

"But you're not giving it to him, you're giving it to me!" Bilbo protested desperately.

"I know," Nabooru said, "But I'm the only Gerudo who doesn't want him to have the Ring. He's going to get it. It doesn't matter who has it. You said there's three kids guarding it right now? They don't stand a chance, and neither do you." She appeared to be thinking hard, "What they need is protection from the Ring, not someone else trying to steal it." She looked at Bilbo.

"I'm not getting you that Ring," she announced, "I'm going with them. Go back where you came from. Have a nice day."

The lady took off, flying past Bilbo after the kids. He stood there, spluttering in disgust. So close, and yet so far…curse his luck! Of all the thieves he could have gotten, he _had _to get the nice one with good intentions! Then another evil plot began to form in his mind…Nabooru had said she was the only Gerudo who didn't want to get the Ring. What if he could find the other Gerudos, and persuade them to help him out?

"_Now _you're talking…" Bilbo said to himself. It occurred to him that he had no idea where the Gerudos lived. Feeling wilted and disappointed, Bilbo slumped at a nearby sign. One glance told him it read: "Gerudo Valley ." Wait a minute…the hobbit straightened up, an evil gleam in his eye, and set off in the direction of the sign.

In the meantime, Nabooru was following close behind the three kids, observing and waiting to introduce herself. Besides typical kid bickering, the trio seemed to be getting along pretty well. The Gerudo absentmindedly wondered which one of them had the Ring.

As they began to near Hyrule Castle, Nabooru realized she would have a difficult time stalking them in the marketplace. (Not like she hadn't stalked people there before, though.) It would be lots easier to make her presence known now. As she stopped to consider this, one of the kids, a girl with long red hair, suddenly turned around and gasped loudly.

"What?" the boy asked impatiently, not even turning around as Nabooru slapped herself for being so stupid.

"A….a…ROCK WITH A LIZARD ON IT!" she gasped, pointing at a rock at Nabooru's feet. The thief looked down in surprise and noticed that, indeed, there was a rock with a bright green lizard sitting on it. But…

The other two kids, the blond boy and green-haired girl, turned around and looked at Nabooru, who stood there hoping they were so stupid they wouldn't notice her either.

"You idiot!" the green haired girl snapped, "That's not a rock, that's a mysterious-looking lady who was probably stalking us!" She fell silent as she realized what exactly she had just said.

"Hey," the boy said to Nabooru, "Who are you, and why were you stalking us?"

"I wasn't _stalking _you," Nabooru replied, stepping closer, "I was…observing your behavior."

"Sure…" the boy said sarcastically.

"My name is Nabooru, and I'm a Gerudo," the Gerudo continued, thinking that she had been doing a lot of introducing herself today, "I'm here to help you."

"Really?" the red-haired girl, who seemed to be over the lizard-on-the-rock thing, asked eagerly, "I'm Malon. That boy is Link, and that weird-looking girl is Saria." The other two scowled at her.

"That's nice," Nabooru said, "But I need to tell you something. All the Gerudos but me want that Ring you have."

Saria gasped overdramatically, and Link's hand flew to his pocket as he demanded defensively, "How did you know about the Ring?"

"Who doesn't?" Nabooru asked in a bored tone, "The point is that I'm coming with you, whether you like it or not. You're going to get killed if you just walk around out here all by yourself. By the way…some old man was stalking you earlier. I don't know where he went, though. He wanted me to get the Ring from you, but I said no."

"That must have been Bilbo!" Malon said, "He's too old to be stalking people. I hope he's okay."

"He'll be fine," Nabooru assured her, "So are you going to the castle or not?"

"We are, we are," Link said, rolling his eyes at Saria. First they picked up a ditzy girl with no brain, and now a bossy thief with an attitude problem. What was next?

"Good," Nabooru took the head of the pack, purposely waving her nasty-looking sword in Link's direction.

"She looks dangerous," Navi whispered to him, "But I think she's still on our side."

"Come on, slowpokes!" the Gerudo yelled impatiently. Sighing deeply, Link led Saria and Malon on.

They reached the drawbridge several minutes later. Amazingly, the guard standing there let them all go past. Now the four found themselves in a crowded market bustling with Hylians. Link and Saria had never seen so many people in one place before. Link noticed several people were giving Nabooru a mistrustful look, while the same people would go up to Malon, pinch her cheek, and exclaim, "Oh look, it's Talon's daughter! How cute!" Sometimes they even gave her candy.

"That's the advantages of being _adorable_," Malon boasted, looking meaningfully at Saria as she shoved the candy into her mouth.

"Quit being such a pig," Nabooru scolded in disgust, weaving in and out of the crowd until they reached a large stone building.

"Hey! This isn't the castle!" Malon said with her mouth full.

"Don't you think I'm aware of that?" Nabooru snapped, "It's the Temple of Time. We're stopping here before we get anywhere near that castle." She walked up the stone steps and pushed the door open.

"She's got some big pants," Saria whispered to Link, who nodded. The Gerudo stuck her head back out the door.

"What did you just call me?" she demanded.

"I said…uh…you've got some nice…" Saria struggled to think of a word that sounded like pants, "…implants." Right after she said that, she realized just how big a mistake that had been.

"WHAT?" Nabooru roared as several birds flew out of a nearby tree.

"I mean, uh, plants!" Saria cried, which was the second word that had come to mind. Nabooru's face darkened in suspicion and she disappeared inside the door. Link was snickering madly.

"Link!" Saria said, "It's not that funny!" She dragged him inside the temple door, with Malon trailing close behind.

End Chapter Three-

Okay, how was that? I don't know about you, but I'm cracking up right about now. Thank you, rhyming dictionary! Review!

Keatonzeldagirl


	5. We're Off To See the Princess!

**Chapter Four: We're Off To See the Princess!  
**

Disclaimer: I own diddly squat. Get it through your head.

Chapter Four

The inside of the Temple of Time was very…big. Its serenity and peacefulness reminded Link of the Great Deku Tree. Except for the fact that there was this weird music with creepy sounding guys singing in very low voices.

"Where is that music coming from?" Saria whispered nervously in Link's ear. He shrugged and followed Nabooru up to a large black slab of marble. An engraving on the stone read, "Ye who holds the three stones, place them here and play the song." (Or something like that…what did it say again?) The four of them just stared at it.

"What is that supposed to mean?" Saria asked. Everyone shrugged.

"Will you people quit shrugging?" Saria yelled. Her voice echoed around the temple eerily.

"We only shrugged once," Nabooru said.

"Link shrugged twice," Saria accused.

"Well Link's an idiot," the Gerudo muttered.

"Hey! Who says I'm an idiot?" Link demanded.

"Me," Nabooru said.

"APPLESAUCE!" yelled Malon in a very, very loud voice. Saria's echo was nothing compared to her. Everyone gave her a weird look.

"You guys make no sense," Nabooru told her companions, "Why am I even bothering with you?"

"Because I have _this,_" Link took out the Ring and waved it around. The light bounced off of it into their eyes.

"Will you put that thing away?" Saria asked, squinting her eyes. Link was about to drop it back into his pocket, when Nabooru's hand reached out and snatched it away at the speed of light. The Gerudo dangled it in front of her face, seeming hypnotized.

"Hey! Give that back!" Link tried to snatch it away, but she was much taller than he was.

"Ooh, I see…" Nabooru said in a hushed and excited voice, "I see the pretty colors…the light…my PRECIOUS!"

There was an awkward silence. Nabooru grinned sheepishly and gave the Ring back to Link, who put it safely in his pocket.

"What was that all about?" Malon asked in confusion.

"Instinct," Nabooru explained. Suddenly, there was a loud scraping sound. It was coming from the wall in front of the stone with the inscription.

"AH! THE APOCALYPSE! WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!" Malon screamed in a panic, making a break for the door. She promptly tripped over Nabooru's outstretched leg and lay on the floor, motionless.

"One down, two to go," Nabooru muttered evilly to herself. Her attention turned back to the opening wall. It was open wide enough for four people to fit through.

Suddenly, the wall stopped moving. Link and Saria had intelligently decided not to make a break for it. Instead, they settled for hiding behind Nabooru.

"You guys are such cowards," she teased. Out of nowhere, an old man squeezed himself (even though it was open very wide) out of the door that had been created. He was very…horizontally overachieving, and he was wearing a long orange robe with some kind of floor rug over it. He also appeared to have no hands. All in all, he didn't look very dangerous to a young Gerudo thief.

"Who are you?" she asked quizzically.

"Who am I? WHO AM I? I think the question is who are YOU?" the old man bellowed.

"Um…right," Nabooru said slowly, "I'm Nabooru. These two…" she pulled Saria and Link out from behind her and plopped them unceremoniously on the floor, "Are Saria and Link. And that's Malon out cold on the floor. Now will you tell us who you are?"

"Maybe yes…and maybe no," the old man said evasively.

"JUST TELL US GOSH DARNIT!" Nabooru screamed, politely refraining from using harsh language in front of the children.

"I will after you get me some food," the man stated, "I'm hungry. I only ate like _five whole minutes ago!_"

"Like you need any more food!" Nabooru retorted. But she tossed him a piece of bread, pulled out from her invisible pockets, nonetheless. He chowed it down in three seconds flat, then burped loudly.

"Okay, _now _I can tell you who I am," he said, "My name is Rauru. What are you doing in my temple?"

"_Your _temple?" Saria cut in. Rauru gave her an icy look.

"Yes, _my _temple," he said.

"We're here because we felt like it," Nabooru interrupted, "But now we're going to the castle. Come on guys," she said to the two Koriki, "Someone grab Malon and let's get out of here." Link and Saria sprang into action and sprinted to the door, but they ignored Malon. Sighing, Nabooru slung the unconscious farm girl over her shoulder and said to Rauru, "Ciao."

"Wait!" Rauru yelled, "I want to come!"

"No you don't," Nabooru assured him.

"Yes I do!" the old man insisted, "I'm bored! Living in a temple is so _boring_! Plus all I have to eat is bread. Please let me come with you! I won't be a hassle!"

There was a silence. Saria looked at Link, who looked at Nabooru, who looked at Rauru and sighed again.

"Okay, you can come," she finally gave in, "As long as you don't eat too much."

"YAY!" Rauru cheered, jumping up and down like a kid. The floor shook. Nabooru had a "What have I gotten myself into?" look on her face. Saria promptly fell on the ground, and Link just stood there, feeling hopeless.

"Calm down," Nabooru said to Rauru as they walked out of the temple and back into the market town. If people hadn't been staring before, they sure were staring now. Two green kids with fairies, a fat old man in a fancy robe, and a dodgy-looking Gerudo with an unconscious kid slung over her shoulders were not exactly the types of things you see everyday in the market. It didn't help that Saria screamed loudly whenever she saw a dog, and Rauru completely cleaned out the "free samples" display.

"Honestly!" Nabooru said as they trudged away from the market and up to the castle, "Are me and Link the only ones who know how to behave in public civilization?"

"Uh…yeah, pretty much," Rauru answered, exchanging a "what have I done wrong?" glance with Saria, who shrugged, saw a dog, and shrieked again.

At long last, they reached the castle. Link walked up to a guard at the sealed shut gate and asked politely, "Can we get by?"

The guard shook his head, burped loudly, and pretended to cut his own head off with his hand.

"Okay…I'll take that as a no…" Link turned to Nabooru and whispered, "Now what?" She grabbed Rauru's arm and shoved him in front of the guard.

"Hey Rauru," Nabooru said, "Are you hungry?"

Rauru nodded slowly.

"Doesn't that guard look pretty tasty?" she continued. Rauru looked at the guard and nodded energetically. The terrified guard promptly pressed a button and the gate slid open. They walked through it calmly, with Nabooru dragging Rauru away from his meal. How she was doing that while carrying Malon is beyond me.

"If the other guards catch you, they'll throw you out!" the guard warned, "You'll have to sneak in to Zelda's courtyard!"

"You're a cannibal! Gross!" Saria said to Rauru, as they spotted two guards on the path ahead.

"Okay, we're going to sneak by them," Link said in a whisper, "Let's go up that slope." They obediently followed him up the slope.

"HEY!" Rauru yelled, "I'm getting grass stains on my fancy robe!"

"Shut up!" Nabooru hissed as all the guards turned to look at them.

"Hi," Link said nervously.

Minutes later, they were standing outside the gate again.

"Okay, this time, if you talk, you die," Nabooru warned as they began the process all over again.

They got all the way to the moat when Malon woke up and yelled, "THE ANSWER IS GEORGE WASHINGTON!"

"Who's George Washington, anyways?" Saria wondered aloud as they started through the gate yet again. Nabooru had duct-taped Malon and Rauru's mouths shut with some duct-tape from her invisible pockets.

At long last, they made it past the moat to a stack of crates.

"Now what?" Saria asked.

"You push the crates over there and they make a bridge, and then you crawl through that hole!" Navi said. Nabooru looked doubtfully at the hole in the wall that was their destination.

"I'm not sure Rauru can fit in that hole," she said skeptically, "Ew…wait. That sounded wrong. What I _meant _to say is that I don't think Rauru can come with us."

"I don't think you can either," Saria pointed out, "Your pants are huge." Nabooru glared at her.

"Are you insulting my awesome pants?" she asked.

"No!" Saria said quickly.

"Good, because watch this…" Nabooru took out her sword and stuck the tip lightly into each pant leg. Immediately, they deflated and looked like normal pants, "See? Now I can come too!"

Rauru said something that sounded like "mmthe mmthks tmmo", but that was because his mouth was still duct-taped shut. Everyone ignored him, anyways. They pushed the crates as instructed by Navi.

"Malon, stay here and guard Rauru," Link said to Malon as Saria and Nabooru climbed up on the crates, "I don't trust either of you, but you're expendable. Just don't…blow up the world or anything, okay?" Malon nodded obediently. Still a bit suspicious, Link followed the girls into the courtyard.

Imagine their surprise to discover that it, too, was filled with guards.

"I have an idea…" Nabooru said slowly, "We can send someone out to distract all the guards, so then we won't have to sneak past them again. But who could we use as bait?"

Everyone looked at Navi.

"What?" she asked, "I'm too small to be bait…right?" Link shook his head, grinning.

"HEYLOOKLISTENHEYLOOKLISTEN!" Navi flittered around the agitated guards as the fellowship ran swiftly by with no trouble at all.

"HAHA YOU LOSERS YOU CAN'T CATCH ME!" Navi teased, "HEYLOOKLISTENWATCHOUT—AAAAAAAAH!" One of the guards had smartened up and gotten a butterfly net. The other guards cheered and dumped her in a cage.

"HEY!" Navi yelled.

Meanwhile, the fellowship had, at long last, reached the courtyard.

End Chapter Four

Wow, that was a really…weird chapter.

Keatonzeldagirl


	6. Triptych

**Chapter Five-Triptych **

Disclaimer: I don't own Zelda…but I will after I take over the world! MUAHAHAHA! clears throat Ahem.

Now we get to check up on Bilbo, everyone's favorite old man, and see how he's faring with the Gerudos! We'll also check out the happenings of the castle courtyard!

Chapter Five

Deserts were hot. Who knew? Not Bilbo! Middle Earth was chock full of fields and mountains, not deserts!

Not to mention the owl. Bilbo had run into him, perching on a huge tree, and had been royally freaked out. But the owl had told him which way to go, so that was okay.

Now he stood on a long wooden bridge, pleading with a red-haired lady in white.

"Please?" Bilbo begged, "You _have _to let me through! I'm dying out here!"

"Dude," the Gerudo said bracingly, "We're a tribe of all girls. Trust me; you don't _want _to come in."

"Yes, yes I do!" Bilbo cried, "I need to see your leader! It's about the Ring!"

Instantly, he knew he had said the magic words. Well, not really, because "please" and "Thank you" are the magic words, but that's beside the point. The Gerudo straightened up and got an evil look on her face.

"Is it really?" she asked, "Well, let me escort you to our leader. He might be interested in that."

&&& The Castle Courtyard… &&&

Link breathed a sigh of relief. Maybe now they could see the king and he could go home!

Standing on the far end of the courtyard, turned away from them, was a small girl, around Link's height, with a pink dress and some sort of cloth on her head. She appeared to be looking in a window.

"Who is that?" Saria whispered to Nabooru, who rolled her eyes in response.

"That's Princess Zelda!" she whispered back, "Where do you live, in a box?"

"Well, actually—" Saria was interrupted as the supposedly oblivious princess threw up her arms and yelled, "HAHA! I sense presences behind me!" She didn't turn around.

The Fellowship exchanged a nervous look.

"They are…" the princess appeared to be speaking to the window. She paused, sniffing the air.

"A boy," Zelda said, making Link jump, "Wearing a green dress." His face turned red and Saria giggled.

"And a green-haired girl that giggles a lot," Zelda continued, shutting Saria up, "And a Gerudo who is making a face at me. Now, let me see…" she turned around, her eyes closed. Nabooru quickly shoved Link and Saria under the bridge and jumped down after them.

The Princess's eyes flew open, and she beheld…empty space.

"Hey!" she said, disappointed, "But my physic abilities said…IMPA!"

With a loud _crack, _a Sheikah lady appeared right on the bridge the fellowship was hiding under. Saria was starting to get impatient…and wet. Link kept trying to look out from under the bridge at the Princess, and Nabooru kept pulling him back under.

"Yes, Princess?" Impa asked dutifully, hands on her hips.

"I was observing the corridor through my window," Zelda said, "When my physic abilities told me there were three imposters standing behind me! But when I turned around…no one was there! What _ever _is the matter?"

"Well…" the Sheikah said in a bored tone, "I believe they are hiding under this bridge."

Zelda gasped.

"How did you know that?" she said in shock.

"Because this little twerp keeps poking his head out," Impa reached under, seized Link by his hat, and held him up for the Princess to see. Nabooru and Saria slapped their foreheads.

"Oh…my," Zelda said, appearing quite interested as Link blushed madly, "Well, he can stay. What about the other two imposters I saw?"

Impa dropped Link unceremoniously on the ground.

"It would appear that…" she stuck her head under the bridge and saw nothing but air.

"Erm…" Impa continued nervously, "I…"

"Where are they?" Zelda demanded hysterically, "If my psychic abilities aren't working, my father needs to know at once! It could mean the destruction of the entire world!" She clutched at her heart and fell to the ground, her eyes wide.

"Right," Impa said, weirded out, "Let me just go check outside…in the meantime, you can talk to this dude." She vanished with another loud crack.

Link was feeling ticked. Nabooru and Saria had disappeared! But on the other hand, they had left him alone with this Princess….

&&&

Nabooru and Saria, had, in fact, not disappeared. They had been squished against the ceiling of the bridge, but Impa was just too challenged to notice. Now they were sitting under the bridge, soaking wet.

"Remind me again why we can't just walk up to the Princess?" Saria spoke through gritted teeth.

"Because I said so," Nabooru was equally irritated, "Now follow me and don't make any noise or I'll strangle you." She crawled stealthily through the water, keeping her head down so Link nor the Princess could spot her. Saria followed carefully, worried that she was about to make Nabooru's bad impression of her (the "pants" incident) even worse by making noise and getting them caught.

So it kinda sucked when a large frog randomly leaped out of nowhere and landed on Saria, who let out a bloodcurdling scream.

&&&Outside with Malon and Rauru…&&&

"Mmmth," Rauru announced to the farm girl. If you recall, their mouths were still duct-taped as punishment for alerting the guards.

"Mm lmmm bmmmms bmcms tm hmm nmm bmms," Malon said to Rauru, which could be translated to, "I like bananas because they have no bones."

"Wmmt tmme fmmm?" Rauru demanded, which could be translated to a phrase that would bring the rating of the story up dramatically. Malon sighed through her tape.

&&&Gerudo Fortress…&&&

The guard handed Bilbo over to a lady all in purple with a handkerchief over her mouth. She led the hobbit through a desert fortress filled with women. Had Bilbo been any younger, this would have excited him, but he was too old for that.

She stopped outside a door marked, "GANONDORF'S THRONEROOM: DEATH TO ALL WHO ENTER WITHOUT PERMISSION. THIS DOES NOT INCLUDE: NABOORU (Call me, baby), WHOOPEE CUSHION SALESMEN, AND GIRL SCOUTS. I WANT THREE BOXES OF THIN MINTS AND NINE OF SAMOAS."

_And just when I thought this place couldn't get any stranger, _Bilbo thought to himself. The Gerudo guard rapped on the door, yelling through her kerchief in a muffled voice, "O Might Ruler! You have a visitor!"

"Who is it? I'm busy dusting my singing trout collection!" a deep voice yelled back.

"Some weird dude who has information about a certain Ring," the guard said, giving Bilbo a look that plainly said to be quiet. There was a short pause on the other side of the door.

"Is he a realtor?" the voice sounded scared. The Gerudo rolled her eyes.

"No, he's a harmless old man," she answered dutifully, "He's afraid of realtors." She added to Bilbo in an undertone.

"Then he can come in," quickly, the guard slipped the door open and shoved Bilbo inside, slamming it behind him. Terrified, Bilbo beheld a large room with red carpet and…singing trout plaques hanging all over the walls. In one corner was a large red-haired man in armor. He didn't look like the type to be wearing an apron, but he was. He was also holding a duster, and delicately dusting a trout on the wall.

"Hello," said the man, not even glancing up at him, "My name is Ganondorf. Who are you?"

"I'm…Bilbo," the hobbit, again, wasn't quite sure what to make of him.

"So, Bilbo," Ganondorf said lightly, "You have news about the Ring?"

"Well, sort of…" Bilbo trailed off, "Uh…see…there's this kid from the forest"

He stopped abruptly as the leader's head whipped around, looking worried.

"What did he look like?" he asked.

"Uh…he had blond hair, and he was wearing a green dress," Bilbo said apprehensively, worried that he had set off a bomb, "And this girl with him—she had green hair. Last time I saw, the girl from the ranch—Malon—had gone with them, too."

"Oh CRAP!" the Gerudo angrily ripped a singing trout off the wall and threw it on the floor forcefully. It lay there in pieces. His eyes suddenly filled with tears and he knelt by the pieces, holding them tenderly in his hands.

"Oh, Philip," he moaned, "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to take my anger out on you. You were my fifteenth favorite singing trout. Can you ever forgive me?"

Bilbo watched him nervously, unsure of what extreme action he would take next.

The Gerudo stood up, took a Kleenex from a nearby box, and blew his nose loudly. Then he plopped down on his cushy sofa in the corner and gathered himself together. He looked up at Bilbo.

"Sit down," he said, gesturing to a nearby armchair. Bilbo slid hesitantly into it, feet dangling above the floor.

"The reason for my sudden…outburst," Ganondorf began, "Is…I work at the castle, and the Princess there has been talking about her dreams…"

&&&Back to Malon and Rauru&&&

"Mmph," said Rauru, which translated to "I'm hungry."

Malon sighed.

&&&To the Courtyard…&&&

Saria's scream caused quite a reaction. Zelda gasped and fainted, Nabooru, keeping true to her word, seized Saria by the neck and started strangling her, and Link yelled, "Saria! You didn't abandon me!" and leaped into the river, right next to Nabooru.

"Hey!" Link yelled, "Stop strangling her! What did she do to you?" He took out the Ring and held it in front of Nabooru's face. Immediately, she ceased her death mission and gazed at the Ring.

"Can I hold that for…just a moment?" Nabooru asked, releasing the choking Saria back into the river and turning to Link. He quickly dropped the Ring in his pocket.

"No!" he said fearfully as Nabooru, looking evil, drew closer, "No you can't! SOMEONE HELP ME!" he yelled to the courtyard in general, "THIS WOMAN IS A CRAZED MANIAC AND SHE'S AFTER ME!"

"Shut up!" Saria hissed, sitting up and rubbing her neck. But it was too late. Immediately, guards swarmed into the courtyard and seized all three of them. Nabooru was still trying to go after Link, and it took seven guards to hold her down. Link was clinging to his guards, screaming, "SAVE ME!" and Saria, who only needed a single restraining guard, was slapping her forehead in disgust.

&&&Back to Malon and Rauru&&&

"MMPH!" Rauru insisted. The sound of a commotion drifted over to the two.

_I hope they're not in trouble, _Malon thought, _GASP! That's the first sensible thing I've thought all day!_

End Chapter

Malon thought something sensible! AH! The world is ending! Anyways…reviews make me happy.

Keatonzeldagirl


	7. Take Me to the River!

**Chapter Six-Take Me to the River**

Disclaimer: Uh…tries to think of a creative way to say she doesn't own Zelda…I don't own Zelda. So creative, aren't I?

If you aren't enjoying yourself reading this, that's too bad, because I can tell you right now I'm sure as heck enjoying myself writing this!

By the way, my memory of Gerudo Fortress was a little hazy, so I just decided to completely make it up.

As always, read, review, and enjoy!

&Chapter Six&

"…And that's why I'm worried about that kid in green," the Gerudo leader finished, looking at Bilbo expectantly, "I didn't think he had the Ring yet, but according to you, he does."

Bilbo just stared. Ganondorf had just told him a story about the Princess Zelda having a dream about an old man from Middle Earth drop out of nowhere with a Ring of great Power, and evil people from Hyrule and Middle Earth tried to take it, but a kid in green and eight other people from Hyrule made the journey to Mount Doom in Middle Earth and destroyed the Ring.

"So…" Bilbo started, speaking for the first time, "What are you gonna do about it?" He was trying to get on the leader's good side before he asked for them to get the Ring for him.

"That's just the problem," Ganondorf muttered angrily, "I don't know where this kid is."

"Last time I saw him, he was headed for the castle," Bilbo offered. Ganondorf leaped up.

"Thank you SO much!" he cried, "That's EXACTLY what I needed to hear!" He bounded over to an intercom system and pressed a whole bunch of buttons, then yelled into it, "Attention all Gerudos! Please assemble your armies to go to the castle! Now!" He hung up and looked at Bilbo.

"I think this calls for a celebration!" he announced, his golden eyes shining with excitement, "Finally, I know where that kid is heading!"

Bilbo thought it was pretty sad that the villain couldn't even figure out where the hero was, but he thought it best to keep his mouth shut.

Ganon bounced over to his largest singing trout, and pushed the button underneath it. It began dancing and singing, "Take Me to the River!" Ganon turned on _all _the singing trout until the room was filled with a cacophony of "Take Me to the River!" Bilbo was tempted to cover his ears, but Ganon grabbed him and started dancing with him.

"Woo-HOO!" the Gerudo yelled, "Ba da ba ba ba! I'm lovin' it!"

Suddenly, the door banged open, and the Gerudo in purple appeared. Ganon calmly released Bilbo as the singing trout songs faded away.

"Yes?" he asked The Gerudo lady looked like she was used to interrupting Ganon dancing with his guests to his trout collection.

"Your army is ready, sir," she said respectfully, bowing and exiting.

"All RIGHT!" Ganondorf punched his fist in the air, "Come on, Blahbo!"

"Erm…Bilbo," the hobbit corrected weakly as he was led away by the villain and plopped onto a very large horse. (Well, large to Bilbo, at least.) Ganon mounted behind him and urged his horse forward to the front of a v-e-r-y large army composed entirely of scantily clad red head women on horseback.

Ganon pulled out a megaphone with "It's Me Against the Hero" printed on the side of it, and yelled to his arm, "All for one!"

"All for one," echoed the Gerudos, some rolling their eyes.

"And one for all!" Ganon continued, echoed again by his army. "And one for all."

"Together we stand!"

"Together we stand."

"Together we fall!"

"Together we fall."

"And in the end!"

"And in the end."

"We'll kill them all!"

"We'll kill them all."

"All for one!"

"All for one."

"AND ONE FOR ALL!" Ganon and the Gerudos said the last line together. He pulled on his horse reigns and thundered out of the desert, army close at hand. Bilbo hung on tight for dear life.

&&&The Castle Dungeons&&&

"So…" Link had been attempting to start a conversation for the past ten minutes, but Saria and Nabooru, who had gotten over the Ring thing, were giving him the silent treatment. The three of them were chained to the wall by their arms in a dark, dank dungeon that smelled pretty bad, with Nabooru in the middle and Link and Saria on either side.

"So…" Link tried again, "How 'bout them Yankees?"

There was a cold silence.

"This is so undignified," Nabooru finally spat, "I'm getting us out of here."

"How?" Link and Saria asked together.

"Shut up and let me think." Silence graced the portion of the Fellowship again. Link could hear soft footsteps outside the door. He dismissed it as a very light guard who felt the need to tiptoe.

Suddenly, there was a small creak as the dungeon door opened a crack, letting in a shaft of light. The Fellowship strained their eyes to see who it was.

The lady from the courtyard who had discovered Link stepped quietly into the room. She put her finger to her mouth as the universal sign to keep quiet. Unfortunately, Kokiri didn't know about universal signs, even though they were…universal.

"HEY!" Link demanded loudly, "What are you doing!"

"Link," Nabooru said in a very impatient voice, "If I have to tell you to shut up one more time, I swear to Din that I am going to kill you. So SHUT UP!"

Her shout echoed around the dungeon.

"Heh," Nabooru grinned sheepishly.

"Who's the loud one _now_, Nabooru?" Link asked mockingly, "Huh? _Huh?_"

"_Everyone _shut up!" the lady said quietly enough so the guards couldn't hear, but loud enough to shut them up. The strange Sheikah slipped her hand inside her pocket and drew out a small key.

"A key," Link stated flatly, "You're going to save us with a key."

"Whoever said I'm going to save you?" the lady demanded, "Okay, well actually, I am. My name is Impa—"

"—Like an Imp?" Saria interrupted. Everyone gave her a strange look.

"No, actually," Impa said, "And I'm the Princess's attendant. After she regained consciousness, she asked me to bring her the boy in green, and, if I could find them, the other two imposters. Something about some dream she had. And I have to follow her orders, even if it means illegally helping prisoners out of their dungeon."

"So…" Link said slowly, "If she told you to jump off a cliff, you'd have to do it?"

Impa looked a bit taken aback.

"Well, yeah…I guess so," she said uncertainly, "But that's not the point." She stuck the key into a keyhole above Saria's chains, and gave it an almighty twist to the left. Saria crumbled on the floor, hurt but free. Impa repeated the process for Link and Nabooru. The Gerudo managed to maintain a bit of dignity and landed on her feet.

"Now," Impa's voice dropped to a whisper, "You have to follow me, and _be quiet._ I'm taking you to the Princess's bedchambers."

"Ooh…" Link said, earning him a slap from Saria. Impa slipped out the door. Nabooru followed just as stealthily, but not before giving the two Kokiri a warning look. Saria and Link were left in an empty dungeon. Kilo, who had been uncharacteristically quiet this whole time, muttered to Saria, "I'm going to go find Navi." And flew off. He was clearly giving Saria a "hint."

"Uh…Link?" Saria said quietly, "Can I…tell you something?"

"Is it something good?" Link asked eagerly.

"Uh…" Saria trailed off, hanging her head and blushing feverishly, "See, I kinda—"

"—Are you guys coming or not?" Nabooru stuck her head back inside the door, "I'm trying to finish this job in this lifetime, you know."

"Coming!" Link called to her. He turned to Saria and said, "Tell me later, okay?"

"Okay…" Saria trailed off miserably as Link zoomed out the door. She followed at a much slower pace.

Impa had led the Fellowship down an empty hallway, past three guards, and up a flight of stairs before the inevitable struck.

"HEY GUESS WHAT EVERYBODY!" the tiny voice echoed down the hallway behind the group. They turned around to see two small balls of light—one green (Kilo) and one blue flitting towards them.

"Oh no…" Link moaned.

"I'M BACK!" yelled Navi, "KILO CAME AND RESCUED ME FROM THE CAGE THOSE IDIOT GUARDS PUT ME IN!"

"Navi!" Link hissed as she flew over to him, "You just blew our cover!"

Five guards at the end of the hall turned around and spotted them.

"Run!" Impa ordered, pushing the Fellowship ahead of her. Nabooru and Link managed to get around the corner before the guards could reach them, but they seized Saria.

"Hey!" Impa ordered, "Don't hurt my granddaughter!" She had no idea where that came from. Saria gave her an odd look. Impa countered it with a "go-with-it."

"Huh?" one of the guards asked, confused, "You have a…granddaughter?"

"Yes!" Impa said defiantly.

"I didn't even know you had kids!" another guard said.

"Well, now you do!" Impa snarled, "So hand her over."

The guards unsurely let go of Saria, who gasped for breath and zipped around the corner.

"Have a nice day," Impa said to the guards, and followed her "granddaughter." The Fellowship was standing against the wall, waiting for their guide. Navi was chatting away happily.

"Can't you shut that thing up?" Nabooru asked Link in annoyance. Link shrugged hopelessly. He grabbed Navi and put her inside his hat, which somewhat muffled the sound.

"That's the best I can do," he offered.

"Let's hope we can make it without _another _distraction," Impa said, sighing, "It's not that far to Zelda's room from here, and that is the_ last _time I pretend like I have a granddaughter." She directed the last remark at Saria.

"Not likely," Nabooru muttered as Impa led the way again.

But it was the sign of the apocalypse. They reached Zelda's door without further events. Nabooru almost passed out from the shock.

Link was very excited at the thought of seeing where the Princess slept. Saria wasn't.

Impa knocked lightly on the door, in some kind of secret knock. It sounded like the rhythm to "Beethoven's Fifth Symphony." Zelda's high voice called, "Come in!"

Impa pushed open the door, and the Fellowship followed her inside. Zelda's bedchambers consisted of a very large room with light pink walls, some wood and pink furniture, and a large pink bed with a canopy in the center of the room. Next to the bed was the Princess herself, who was…not quite…fully dressed, shall we say.

"IMPA!" Zelda blushed and seized her fluffy pink Triforce towel, "I thought it was only you!"

"Sorry, Princess," Impa grunted, not seeming sorry at all. Saria was trying not to look at Link. She didn't want to see his expression.

"Well let me get _dressed_ first!" Zelda scooted to the bathroom, "_Then _we can get down to business." Her red face was glaring at her Sheikah attendant as she slammed the door behind her.

"Sorry about that," Impa apologized, then she sighed, "The Princess is a bit…delicate. She has to be handled very carefully."

Nabooru nodded sympathetically. She cast a worried glance at Link, whose eyes were very big and shiny, a line of drool trickling down his chin.

"Hey Romeo," Nabooru waved her hand in front of his face, "Why don't you take out the Ring?"

Link seemed to snap out of it.

"Not in front of you, you maniac!" he said in a scared voice to Nabooru, "You were the one that got us arrested in the first place trying to attack me!"

"I just wanted to see it!" Nabooru protested. She seemed to realize something.

"Hey…you know what I just realized?" the Gerudo mused, stroking her chin.

"What?" Link, Saria, and Impa asked at nearly the same time.

"We left Malon and Rauru out there all by themselves, and nothing's blown up yet," Nabooru sounded incredulous.

From outside, there was a large explosion that shook the castle.

"You just HAD to go and say that!" Link exclaimed, shaking his head as the girls rushed to the window and peeked out.

But it wasn't Malon and Rauru who were attacking the castle.

Nabooru's eyes got so big Impa and Saria were sure they were going to pop out of her head.

Down below, in the castle courtyard, hundreds of red-haired women on horseback, wielding bombs, were throwing them at the castle. And at the front of them was—

"IT'S HIM!" Nabooru screamed hysterically, causing Impa and Saria to jump, "SWEET MOTHER OF NAYRU, SAVE ME!" She dove under Zelda's bed.

"Ookay," Saria muttered to herself. Impa rushed away from the window, pulling Saria along with her. She rapped impatiently on Zelda's door.

"Princess!" she called frantically, "Princess, you need to get out here right now!"

"Why?" Zelda's whiny voice emerged through the wood.

"Because!" Impa was practically screaming now, "The Gerudos are attacking the castle, and we need to get out of here! Hurry!"

Zelda opened the door, fully clothed this time, looking confused.

"The Gerudos are attacking?" she asked, "But—" Impa scooped her up, tucking her under one arm and Saria under the other.

"Link! Nabooru!" Impa yelled over the thundering of bombs, "We need to go!" Nabooru speedily crawled out from under the bed.

"Take Link!" Impa yelled to her. Nabooru, looking disgusted with herself, slung Link over her shoulder. The two raced out the Princess's room and down the hallway.

"Hey!" Zelda yelled, "You're man-handling the Princess! I can report you for this, you know!"

There was an earsplitting boom and the hallway floor tilted. The two just barely managed to keep their balance. Zelda screamed. They picked up the pace, racing down the crumbling staircases at top speed, dodging chunks of falling wall. The Gerudos were really going to town on the castle.

Finally, they reached outside. Malon and Rauru were, amazingly, still in place, mouths duct-taped shut. Nabooru dropped Link and untapped their mouths.

"Run as fast as you can!" she ordered Rauru, picking up a very confused Malon and Link again.

"But—I can't run!" Rauru protested helplessly as Impa and Nabooru took off like shotguns down the castle path.

The guards had abandoned their posts, fearing for their own safety. Nabooru was running like she had wound up her legs or something. Impa wondered how she could be afraid of her own kind. Or maybe it was the fact that Malon and Link were being quiet. Zelda certainly wasn't.

"Impa!" she screamed, "Put me down! I can run myself! I can defeat the armies with my magic!"

"Not this one you can't," a panting Impa assured her.

Nabooru had wisely placed Link's head facing backwards, and he was watching all the castle destruction. It was pretty cool, much cooler than anything that ever happened in the forest, well, unless you counted the time Mido burped the alphabet backwards…

Suddenly, a megafied voice boomed over the hills, "If you give us the Ring, we'll go away, so hand it over!"

Terror clutched at Link's heart, and the Ring grew warm in his hands.

"Nabooru!" he yelled, "They want my Ring!"

"I heard it, you numbskull!" she yelled through gritted teeth, "So don't be shouting it out to all of Hyrule!"

Link clamped his mouth shut.

When they reached the Market Town, an exhausted Nabooru and Impa deposited their baggage to wait for Rauru to catch up.

10 minutes later, he came bumbling down the hill, completely out of breath.

"So…" he panted when he jogged up to them, "Can we eat?"

Impa and Nabooru glared at him. Zelda was sitting on the ground, sniffling, Malon was making two rocks talk to each other ("Hi Bob, what's up?" "Nothing much, Louis"), Link was admiring the Ring, and Saria was sitting patiently, watching the adults.

"This is hopeless," Nabooru muttered to herself.

"Zelda," Impa said in an attempt to sound cheerful, "Why don't you tell us all about your dream?"

Zelda looked up.

"Okay," she said, wiping her nose on her sleeve and standing up. She folded her hands together and said, "I dreamed that a little old man from another world came to Hyrule—"

"—Hey! That sounds like Bilbo!" Malon interrupted.

"And that two people from the forest," Zelda looked at Link and Saria, "Met up with a ranch girl and a Gerudo, and then there was a really fat guy."

Everyone looked at Rauru.

"Right," Zelda said, "And…this is the part I've been thinking about…there was a Sheikah, two princesses, and some weird rock dude." She looked at Impa earnestly, hoping her attendant could explain it.

"Well…" Impa looked a bit worried, "It sounds like I'm the Sheikah, and you must be one of the princesses. Rock dude…"

"…Probably a Goron," Nabooru offered, making a face.

"Oh yeah," Impa said, "And the only other princess I can think of is the Zora princess…." She looked a bit scared.

"What did all these people do?" Saria spoke up quietly.

"Well…" Zelda seemed to enjoy being the center of attention, "They all met up, and then they went to the world the old man with the Ring came from, and began a quest to destroy the Ring."

"Hey yeah, I remember that part!" Link cut in suddenly, "The Great Deku Tree told me and Saria that we had to take the Ring to a Mount Doom!"

"Oh great," Impa muttered.

Nabooru was leaning against her sword, tip stuck in the ground.

"So…" she drawled, "Guess we need to go to Death Mountain and Zora's Domain, and see if we can find these people the Princess dreamed about."

"Does going to Death Mountain involve going up a mountain?" Rauru asked nervously.

"Naw," Impa said sarcastically, "But if you don't want to go, we can leave you in Kakariko. I grew up there."

"Anyways," Nabooru said, "All the Gorons eat is rocks."

"Ew!" Rauru and Zelda shrieked like little girls at the same time, which was acceptable for one of them, but which one…? Just kidding. It was only acceptable for Zelda, obviously.

"Let's go," Nabooru sheathed her sword and kicked Malon, who promptly stood up and pocketed her rocks.

"They're my new friends," she said solemnly. Everyone nodded slowly and walked out of the Market Town—but not after Malon got a bunch of candy and Rauru cleaned out the supply of free samples.

&End Chapter&

Yes, I know that was very long, but I really wanted to finish that up. BTW, the "Gerudo pep rally cheer" was stolen from my friend Meg, with a few changed words.

Review! Hope you enjoyed it!

Keatonzeldagirl


	8. The Cucco or the Egg?

**Chapter Seven—The Cucco or the Egg?**

Disclaimer: (to the tune of YMCA) Young man, are you laughing at me? I said young man, you're reading my story! I said young man, there's one thing you should know before off to my fan fic you go (go go go go) I need to tell you that I don't own Zelda! It's really stupid but I don't own Zelda!

Okay, that was officially a weird disclaimer. My story is finally taking off! I'm so excited! Only a few more chapters and the Fellowship will be complete! I hope you're all loving it!

&Chapter Seven&

Tramping around Hyrule Field was even more interesting with the addition of three extra people.

"Do they have good food in Kakariko?" Rauru asked worriedly.

"They've got chicken eggs," Impa answered.

"Ew! Who would eat raw chicken eggs?" Zelda shrieked.

"You cook them, you idiot!" Saria snapped uncharacteristically.

"What's wrong with Saria?" Link muttered to Navi, "It's like she hates all the girls our age!"

Navi rolled her eyes. (?)

"Think about it, Link," his fairy said bracingly, "Why would a _girl _dis_like_ all the _other girls? _Why would she be _jealous _because _you _were talking to them?"

"Uh…I don't know," Link said cluelessly. Navi sighed in exasperation.

"No!" she snapped, "Can't you see? It's _so obvious _that she—"

There was a loud, long howling of a wolf as the sun began to set.

"This is just great!" Nabooru muttered, "We're gonna be out here in the middle of the night! My life just couldn't get any better!"

Link caught sight of the potion dangling from Saria's belt (no, he was not looking at her butt or anything), and remembered what the Great Deku Tree had told her.

"Saria!" he called. She jumped and looked at him.

"Drink the potion, remember?" Link reminded her. Saria nodded quickly and picked up the potion, unscrewing the cap.

"This better not taste nasty," she said to Kilo, plugging her nose and taking a sip.

But of course, the potion tasted horrible, like grass and a whole bunch of other nasty stuff mixed together. But if it was keeping her alive, Saria was going to drink it.

Several minutes later, the Fellowship was crossing the bridge, and the sky was dark.

"Watch out," Impa warned them, "There are these weird Stalchild skeleton things that like to—"

"AAAAH!" Malon screamed as a Stalchild grabbed her foot.

"Jump out of nowhere and grab you by the foot," Impa finished as Nabooru whipped out her sword and raised it over the monster, preparing to make Stalchild sushi.

"No!" Malon yelled forcefully, "Don't hurt it!"

"Why not? It's gonna kill you!" Nabooru started to bring her sword down, but Malon pulled the Stalchild out of the way.

"What is your problem?" the Gerudo demanded as Malon tried to soothe the trembling monster.

"Monsters have feelings too, you know!" the red-head shot back, "For example, this one's name is Jamal, and he doesn't like you, because you're a big meanie! And he wants to come with us!"

Impa and Nabooru exchanged a look.

"He can come with us," Impa sighed as Nabooru glared at her, "But only as far as Kakariko Village."

"Yay!" Malon hugged the Stalchild tightly, "You hear that, Jamal? You can come with us! We're going to have so much fun!"

"But only as far as the village," Nabooru reminded her sternly as they sat off again.

"Hey!" Rauru pouted, "I want a Stalchild, too!"

"They're only for special people, like me," Malon said obnoxiously, turning away and holding hands with Jamal. Rauru's eyes filled with tears, and his lower lip shook.

"Now, now, Rauru," Impa started, panicked but trying to sound soothing, "It'll be okay—"

"—WAAAAAAAH!" the old man started bawling his eyes out. Nabooru covered her face with her hands, and Impa grimaced. Zelda and Link were snickering madly.

Rauru collapsed on the grass, howling, tears streaming down his face.

"Uh…" Impa looked to Nabooru for help, "What do we do?"

"Chop his head off," Nabooru suggested miserably, not removing her hands from her face. Impa stared hopelessly at the old man throwing a temper tantrum. Malon did not look sorry in the least.

"Rauru!" Impa attempted to raise her voice over the old man's wails, "We'll get you some nice Cucco eggs when we get to the village, okay?"

Rauru did not move.

"I give up!" Impa snapped angrily, storming away towards the village. All the kids turned towards Nabooru.

"Why are you all staring at me? Do something yourselves!" Nabooru barked, turning and following Impa. Zelda trotted after her, nose in the air. Malon and Jamal pranced away shortly after.

Link and Saria stood there, feeling hopeless.

"You're the nice one," Link said to Saria, "You cheer him up."

Blushing at the compliment from Link, Saria scooted over to Rauru and knelt down besides him.

"Rauru?" she asked softly. The old man lifted his tearstained face. Saria tried not to giggle, remembering that the last time she had done this; it had been for a very young Kokiri girl who had scraped her knee.

"Um…We're going to the village now, okay?" Link couldn't help but admire how gentle and persuasive Saria managed to sound.

Rauru nodded, chin shaking violently.

"And…when we get there, Malon's not going to have her Stalchild anymore," Saria said, looking straight into Rauru's watery eyes, trying to calm him, "So you'll both be even. And there will be plenty of food for you to eat, and Malon will have to eat rocks."

Rauru giggled like a little girl. Saria bit her lip and willed herself not to back off.

"So, now will you come?" she asked. Rauru nodded slowly. Saria smiled and stood up with Rauru besides her. She looked at the stunned Link and motioned for him to come with them as they started across the field again.

"On one condition," Rauru said, stopping abruptly.

"What's that?" Saria asked nervously. Rauru extended his hands expectantly to Link and Saria on either side of him. Link rolled his eyes and took it. Saria delicately placed her tiny hand in Rauru's, feeling very embarrassed and wondering what the world was coming to that a Kokiri had to walk a fat man across a field because he wanted a pet monster.

When they reached Kakariko, it was almost morning, and the rest of the Fellowship was waiting at the foot of stone steps leading up to the village. Nabooru, Zelda, and Impa cracked up at the sight of Rauru and his two companions. Malon and Jamal were too busy playing Patti-cake to notice.

"Is Rauru feeling better?" Impa snickered.

"Yes, I am!" Rauru said angrily, "And I want some food!"

"Let's get inside before he loses it again," Nabooru muttered to Impa. The two turned and scampered up the steps. Rauru refused to let go of Saria and Link and plodded up the stairs with him at his slow pace.

"Malon," Zelda sniffed, straightening her dress, "Quit playing stupid games with that _thing_. It's time to go."

Malon looked up.

"But I don't wanna go!" she whined, "Jamal and I are having so much fun!"

"Come ON!" Zelda raised her high voice so loud the Gerudos back at the castle probably heard it. Her face was all scrunched up and red.

"Geez, I'm _coming_!" Malon said, rolling her eyes. She turned to Jamal, her eyes brimming with tears.

"Jamal," she said, "We will always be friends, won't we?"

Jamal was silent. Obviously—Stalchildren can't talk.

"I knew you'd think so," Malon gushed to the skeleton.

"I'm _waiting_!" Zelda was tapping her foot impatiently, arms crossed.

"Hold on!" Malon said to Zelda, then she turned back to Jamal.

"Here, take this as a token of our friendship," Malon pulled her yellow bandanna from around her neck and tied it around Jamal's instead.

"Goodbye, Jamal," she said sadly, "I know we'll always be the best of friends."

"Oh my gods," Zelda gushed as Jamal loped away across the field and disappeared underground as the sun rose, "You gave that _thing _your _bandanna_? Why would it want a_ bandanna_?"

"Because!" Tears were pouring down Malon's face, "It was a token of our _friendship_!"

"Whatever," the Princess rolled her eyes and daintily hopped up the steps. Malon scanned the field for Jamal, but he was nowhere in sight. Blowing her nose loudly on her sleeve, she thudded up the stairs in her heavy boots.

"Ah, home sweet home," Impa breathed in deeply as they walked into the lazy air of Kakariko Village. A Cucco pecking nearby toddled over to Nabooru's feet.

"Shoo!" she yelled, kicking it.

"Nabooru!" Impa shrieked in panic as the Cucco shook violently, threw back its head, and made a loud honking noise.

"What the—" Nabooru started as Impa grabbed her arm and raced with her into the nearest house, which was conveniently empty.

"Everyone! Get inside now!" Impa yelled to the confused remainder of the Fellowship. Malon and Zelda were quick, but the two Kokiri were still chained to the slow Rauru. As they plodded over at a steady pace and Impa started freaking out, Nabooru asked, "What was that about? What's that thing gonna do to me?"

Saria, Link, and Rauru started screaming as they were surrounded by a mob of pecking Cuccos. They tore inside the house and Impa slammed the door. There were pecking sounds from outside, and lots of little beak tips were stuck in the door.

"They killed me!" Saria shrieked, extending her arm to reveal lots of little holes in her skin.

"You'll be fine," Impa assured her hastily. She turned to Nabooru.

"_Now _do you see why we don't kick the Cuccos?" she asked impatiently.

"Yeah," Nabooru said, smirking, "But that was pretty funny!"

"It was _not_!" Rauru cried, "And I'm still hungry!" He looked like he was on the verge of tears again.

"Oh no," Impa raced to the cupboard and peeked inside, seizing a can of Beanie Weenies.

"Here," she said, handing it to the old man. He looked excited and ripped off the top, chugging the beans down in record speed.

"Ew…" Nabooru looked sick and Rauru groped in the cabinet for another can, and another, and another…

"I think that's enough beans!" Zelda advised, wrinkling her nose as everyone stared at Rauru in a horrified silence.

"Hey…do you think the Cuccos are gone yet?" Saria was desperately looking for an excuse to get away from Rauru before the…aftershock…of the beans started to take effect.

"Maybe…" Impa slowly pulled open the door. All the Cuccos beaks were still stuck in it, and they were hanging off the door.

"Cool!" Link stepped out, admiring the poor animals, followed by a sympathetic Saria.

"Alright Rauru, since you can barely even walk, you're staying here," Nabooru spoke to the gluttonous man who was still eating, though she wasn't sure he was listening, "So don't do anything stupid. I know that's hard for you, but you need to try."

"Do I have to come?" Zelda whined as Nabooru started to leave.

"Zelda," Nabooru said bracingly, "Do you _really _want to be stuck here with _him?_" She nodded in the direction of Rauru.

Zelda only hesitated two seconds.

&End Chapter&

Okay, I'm a filthy stinking liar and they didn't go to Death Mountain in this chapter, but it turned out kinda long! Stick around!

Keatonzeldagirl


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